Oliver's To-Do List

Wednesday-

3:03 AM- Wake up; make enough noise to wake up Mom and Dad; fall back asleep.

3:50 AM- Flip self over onto stomach; cry loudly.

3:56 AM- Have diaper changed by Dad.

4:00 AM- Breakfast.

4:04 AM- Abruptly stop eating and cry for twenty minutes; possible spit-up opportunity.

4:22 AM- Pretend to fall asleep; wake up immediately upon contact with bed; cry loudly.

4:50 AM- After thirty minutes of trying to get me to sleep, Mom gets up and takes me to the front room- at this point, fall immediately back asleep on Mom's chest.

8:10 AM- Pretend to still be asleep; shove entire fist into Mom's mouth.

8:12 AM- Punch Mom in the face while she tries to get me back to sleep.

8:13 AM- More breakfast.

8:45 AM- Lay on playmat and smile; kick legs against ground; spit up.

8:46 AM- Have outfit changed; shove fist in mouth; spit up immediately after.

9:00 AM through 2:00 PM- Arbitrarily switch between loudly crying, napping, and spitting up.

2:15 PM- Nap with Mom.

5:00 PM- Dinner.

5:33 PM- Spit up entirety of dinner.

5:35 PM- Replacement dinner.

6:00 PM- Spit up while having diaper changed; place fist in mouth; spread spit-up all over outfit.

7:00 PM through 9:00 PM- Fuss ceaselessly.

9:16 PM- Evacuate bowels loudly into diaper; while being changed, place foot into full diaper.

9:18 PM- Swallow lower lip into mouth; go, 'Mmmmmmmmmm' for forty-five minutes.

10:03 PM- Spit up on Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad again; place bib in mouth.

10:56 PM- Resist all attempts to be put to sleep; scratch faces if necessary.

11:14 PM- Fall asleep while smiling; listen to Mom and Dad say how this one thing makes it all worth it.

11:19 PM- Let Mom and Dad fall asleep; spit up; immediately begin crying.